Watching the flame flicker always had me mesmerised. Something about the way it moves draws itself in and then whoosh off it goes again. Growing up it was magic some 30 odd yrs later Im watching and know why. I find myself pretty much every two to three nights sitting in this chair watching this dance of life…. Thinking just thinking and watching.
I think to know oneself is to see the truth of who we are.We are not here to go through a mundane life of working, paying bills, trying to make ends meet in a corporate world. We are here to tend to our souls. To bask in the beauty of this incredible planet, to enjoy the fruits of her nectar. To look after what we are given and give back to Mother Earth. Balance just seems so easy.
Watching spirits of adults,kids,animals, and some really different creatures moving into the flame and be taken home is an honor for me to be able participate in. It is a very powerful thing to do. The emotions can be uncontrollable like tonight watching mum and three young girls cross. So sad to see and wonder why,how,how long just brings tears that cant be stopped. All their pain and sorrow comes to me.
Its the truth of who we are….
OK…..Here it is. Four and a bit years ago I walked out on my old life with no thought to what lay ahead or how I was going to make ends meet. All I knew was that I was over the existence I had made for myself. The past 25 years had been a series of failed relationships, drug fueled days and drunken nights. One day just rolled into the next and the next year after year. My son was being used against me in a pathetic attempt at revenge by his mother. I would walk away knowing that the only one to pay the price would be my boy but that never stopped his mother. Hes all grown up now but our relationship is nothing to be proud about.
I worked in construction. I was a Concretor we worked hard and played even harder. Running crews is what I did, A thankless job but it paid well…. paid to well it paid my addictions for 25 yrs and I was good at those too. There wasn’t too many nights that I wasn’t coming out of some pub or strip-joint still in my hi vis work-gear at 3 in the morning. Flat out putting one foot in front of the other let alone running 15 odd blokes on a 10 million project.
Something had to give. 2 days after my boy turned 18 which my boss wasn’t prepared to send me home for. I snapped told the boss to shove his job bought a plane ticket and headed home….. Great …..now what
I had no idea.All I knew was things were changing for good or bad I couldn’t say and I didn’t care. That was my last drink. That was 4 and a bit years ago. I spent the next year walking the beach at Burleigh before sunrise with a camera in my hand enjoying the sand beneath my toes and smiling at the Sun as he rose in the east chasing the moon home as he had done for the last million or so yrs. The sensation of the Suns rays greeting me every morning was something magical the smell of the ocean being swept in by winds of the east. Mother Earth was calling me home and I let her. A feeling of peace was with me a knowing that everything was just as the universe had ordered was giving me a great deal of peace within.
My life was about to begin again…..